EXPAND YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Applying A Sense Of Gratitude To It All...

"Relationships don't thrive because the guilty are punished but because the innocent are merciful. "
- Max Lucado from Just Like Jesus

What does the act of communication mean to you? Webster defines it as a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior. (The function of pheromones in incest is also an exchange of information).  Do you create an environment in which your partner is free to share feelings, thoughts, fantasies, hurts, and complaints, all without fear that you will condemn, attack, lecture or simply withdraw from him or her.

Stephen Covey in his book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", 1989, gives this little scenario:

"Come on, honey, tell me how you feel. I know it's been hard, but I'll try to understand, now go ahead and tell me how you feel."

What is wrong with this statement? Being the good spouse, we have a tendency to rush in and put a band-aid on an open wound.  However, we seldom take the time to assess the situation, to really understand what the problem is.

Of course, we cannot demand of our spouse that they applaud everything we feel inside, but we need to be able to express ourselves in a loving manner.  People are generally poor listeners- most of the time.  Even if we are listening, communication requires a means of connection and the ability to make sense of the information that is being relayed.  Nevertheless, what if our thinker is low on essential brain chemicals?   Communication is based on having an adequate supply of brain chemicals (Neurotransmitters), if it does not, the result is a serious block to emotional growth, and then you may say, "Did you hear what I think I said?"

Have you ever noticed how your eyes open a bit wider when you are surprised?  I know some people delight in being surprised or even scared. It seems to give them a boost.  Being surprised is like being asleep or daydreaming through some routine activity, and you hear a favorite tune on the radio or a familiar voice, or look up and see a rainbow, or the telephone rings and it's the voice of a friend, and all of a sudden your awake. We may not like it at first (that of being shaken out of a routine that has little value to our life), however, looking back, we can always recognize it as a gift.  I have had the privilege of talking with others who I perceived as being spiritually connected.  What I observed was that these people were profoundly grateful that I intuitively understood what they were communicating.  However, "A surprise does not make us automatically alive.   Aliveness is a matter of give and take of being able to respond in a manner that generates and radiates love.

Gratefulness is a major part of communication.  It sprouts when we rise to the challenge of surprise. If you've have ever eaten a ripe strawberry right from the field, you will be grateful not only for the taste of this delicious fruit, but also for the work it takes to bring a quart of berries to your table. You may be surprised at your ability to recognize that you are grateful for the ability to recognize this process.

While forgiveness heals the heart of old hurts, gratitude opens it to present love. Gratitude bestows many benefits. It dissolves negative feelings: anger and jealousy, fear and defensiveness shrink. Gratitude deflates the barriers to love

Gratitude also evokes happiness, which is itself a powerfully healing and beneficial emotion.  When one reaches happiness, one is close to perfection.  When we are happy, we like to help others to be happy, because this feeling of gratitude fosters kindness and generosity.  Gratitude is a gift to everyone. No wonder Paul urged us to "Rejoice always" and to "Give thanks in all circumstances."

Gratitude, like other forms of communication is an attitude that can be cultivated. We do not have to wait for our fairy grandmother to shower us with gifts. We can develop gratitude by reflecting on the gifts that are already ours. These reflections can be done for a minute, a day, or throughout a lifetime.  Most people celebrate their birthday and holidays, but those who cultivate their spirituality and their ability to communicate love in every breath they take learn to celebrate their gift every day. We can be grateful because we are happy, but we can also be happy because we are grateful.

We tend to forget how very different the laws that govern the mind are from the laws that operate in the physical world. In the physical world, if we give a material thing to another person, whether it is a toy or a diamond, we lose the object. Yet, in the mind, the opposite is true. Whatever we intend for another person we experience our self, whatever we give we gain, whatever we offer another flowers in our own mind. This is why its so important to have adequate brain chemicals as ready messengers to all activities of life.

If you feel hatred toward someone, that hate generates toxic chemicals that will boomerang back and scorches your own mind. On the other hand, if you offer love to someone, that love first fills and heals your mind with sufficient brain chemicals. Once this is understood, the desire to hate and hurt starts to shrink, while the desire to love and help begins to flourish. The words "As you give so shall you receive" are profound statements about the way our mind works, but it would never happen if the brain did not have the necessary chemical messengers to communicate with.

"A path through the desert is not a detour. Who did not suffer from emptiness cannot handle abundance. Who never lost the path, does not appreciate the signpost."
-Author Unknown